I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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