i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
