We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
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