The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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