So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
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