Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
