You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
