She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
