He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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