I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Randomize
