at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize