I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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