A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
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