my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
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