When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
