I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
