Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
