we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
