my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Randomize
