Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
