butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
