My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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