I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
