First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize