i would punch a child for taco bell
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
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