this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
