dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
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