i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
