Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
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