??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
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