how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
