my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
