In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
