It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
