I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Randomize
