I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I don't deserve a penis
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
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