I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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