I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
