Dual....:-)
I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
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