saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Randomize
