Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
we're making bets on your personal life
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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