Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Randomize
