we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize