i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Randomize