i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
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