how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
