The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
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