Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Randomize
