false alarm. still invincible.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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