and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Randomize