I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
