matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
