I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
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