i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
