pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize