I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
