This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
