Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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