Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
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