Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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