last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
A bitchslap is in order.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
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