the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
Randomize
