I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
