I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Randomize