And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Randomize
