My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
