thus making me awesome and them whores
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
