last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
