Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
This house was built for laser tag.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I think I just shit out all my problems.
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