My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
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