You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
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