is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Randomize
