I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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